Po Knose

Scotty

Name:	Scotty
Location:	Rogueling
Rank:	Bartender
Guilds:	None
Step Name:	Not Yet
Rogue since:	Current Step. Graduation expected 2014

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Runners

Noted Favors and Awards

<under construction>

Biography

This is not actually Scotty's biography. He's just a slacker so I made one up for him. ~Requiem

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen....wait a minute. Sorry. Wrong story. But this one is related. For you see, Jolly Old Saint Nicholas had a perverted streak and used to hit up the strip clubs in Trinidad on the off season, much to Mrs. Claus's disapproval.

One year, in the early 90's, Saint Nick found himself in the bottom of a bottle of Jameson, lying naked next to his favorite stripper in some seedy motel near Trinidad. "Holy shit, what have I done!" exclaimed the old bearded man. About 9 months down the road, he got an anonymous delivery with a note saying only "So much for only giving me the tip, you bastard. This belongs to you." The package contained a baby.

Now, Santa is a sly old bastard, and played off that the kid was just another elf for his workshop. The ruse worked on the Mrs. for a little over two years, but when the "elfling" got taller and jollier than the elves, the gig was up. Santa had to explain that the boy was his illegitimate love child with an unnamed woman. And that's when the shit hit the fan.

Saint Nick, with a heavy heart and a sigh, agreed to take the boy somewhere else to live. He went down his Nice List, then his Almost Nice list, and so on until he came upon the "Naughty by deeds of piracy, looting and pillaging" list. "Ah ha!" he exclaims. "I've found just the rapscallions to watch over my boy."

Christmas time rolled around, and Santa bundled up his little elf lad and jumped in the sleigh. When flying over Denver, he made a special stop at the home of the couple at the top of his Piracy list, Cricket and Moon. He broke in through the kitchen window, his son slung over his left shoulder like a sack of charcoal briquettes, and a keg of Cuban rum under his right arm. Both were left next to the tree, with a note saying "Watch over my boy as if he were your own." Imagine their surprise when they woke up the next morning.

6:00 on Christmas morning, Moon wakes up and sees a 3-year-old child and more liquor than he could drink in a week, and yelled down the hall "Honey!! You have some explaining to do!!" Cricket came stumbling down the hall in a sleep-filled daze, muttering about her husband waking her up, and stopped cold when she got to the living room.

"What the hell is THAT?"

"I think it's a boy," said Moon. "Don't know. I assumed you picked it up at the pet store. And look, Honey! Rum!"

"You know better than that, ya jackass. You can't buy kids at the pet store. I have no idea where it came from. Is there a note or anything?" Moon passed her the simple note, to which she shrugged and said "Might as well keep him. Rex could use a friend. At least his former owners were considerate enough to provide alcohol so we can think it was really our idea."

The two drank the day away, and then remembered they had a new kid. "It's pretty shoddy of someone to leave their kid in our house," Moon said. Or so he thought. What actually came out was "'S Pri'y scotty s'm'one leaf they kid inna house." And thus was born Scotty Simon Moon.

The years went by, with Scotty learning everything Moon and Cricket had to offer - looting, pillaging, sailing, swearing, drinking, fighting, fornicating, and bartending. His playmates and friends were all the sons of sailors, and most of them had a better grasp on sailing and swearing since they had an earlier start.

One particular lad, who would grow into the name of Phrae, was one of the biggest influences on young Scotty. The two would grow, through a long series of rough-and-tumble fights (usually over some girl or another) to be closer to each other than brothers. To this day, Scotty has his own version of family, and blames it all on Phrae.

Scotty was 10 years old when he was first told that he was adopted. Now, most kids, when you tell them they are adopted, they start to cry. Scotty was a hardass, so he told his father, Moon, to prove it. Moon walked down into his basement, opened up a secret cabinet at the bar, and pulled out the note from Father Christmas, and a couple of planks from the keg Scotty came with.

Scotty spent the next year wondering if he had any real siblings, so he started a website called "santas-bastards.org." Within a couple of months, he'd received posts on his website from 3 other people, all saying that Santa put his Naughty List where it shouldn't have been, and that Scotty was their oldest brother.

He came to terms with this pretty quick, for only being 11. He told Moon that he wanted to meet these other kids. Moon cautioned him that not everyone is a pirate, so he'd have to be careful and not pillage them, then gave him the keys to the neighbor's car and bid Scotty farewell.

He hopped in the car and drove on for a couple of hours until reaching the foster home where his siblings lived. He picked the lock on the back door, walked into the living room, and proclaimed "Hey bastards! I'm your fucken leader, take me to your liquor cabinet!" Half a bottle of Glenlivet later, and Scotty was piling orphans into his stolen car, and weaving his way back to The House of the Full Moon.

As soon as the motley gang of Little Clauses walked in the door, Moon scowled at Scotty and said "Oh HELL no. I already have one cabin boy, what do you expect me to do with three more? And didn't I tell you not to pillage? Damnit, boy! Go put them back where you found them."

"Can I keep one, dude? You never let me keep my plunder, and I always wanted a sister. I'll take the younger two back."

Moon allowed this, since it was true that he rarely let Scotty keep what he had pillaged and plundered. "You got a name, kid?" he asked of the oldest girl.

"La..la..Lauren, sir. Can I go home now, sir? I miss my mommy."

"Damn it, Scotty. I thought you said these kids were your siblings. No more kidnapping people without telling them first. Take them home, explain who you are, and if they like ya, I'll let ya have visitation rights. Now get!"

On the drive back to the Fosterage, Scotty discovered from a frightened Lauren that the kids were not the ones who posted on santas-bastards.org, but that it was really their foster father trying to play a cruel joke on them. The children only went with Scotty because they were scared not to.

Scotty was now a little disappointed, and asked if he could still hang out with them, since he had hoped they were actually his siblings. Lauren said she'd allow it, as long as there was no swearing and no drinking. This was the most difficult thing that Scotty had ever been asked to do, but he was willing since he so badly wanted a sister. Lauren soon became the second member of Scotty's associated-family that began with his brother Phrae.